welcome to remblanc 1.0

["javascript" edition]

hi, i'm remi, welcome to my website. really appreciate that you're taking your time to look around this page, thanks.

i am an aspiring blogger and a video essayist, and this page's purpose is to facilitate my creativity in both of those directions, which i think it is doing quite well so far. you can find out more about me on my profile page.

my planned projects for both this page and my youtube channel are likely to involve certain degree of curation, highlighting and sharing things that i feel are worthy of my time, with intent of showing said works to others in hopes that it might interest them as well. the plans i have are rather elaborate, and currently are not reflected in much of this page, but i have ideas for this to be showcased at the latter date.

recent posts

if this is not on your page, then javascript isn't doing its job. i just realized i barred all the non-javascript peeps from reading my blog posts oops

status updates

quick stream-of-consciousness posting: the way i would run a microblog had it been a public square like big social media

[press on the titles to show/hide statuses]

[16 apr 2024] something i'd probably have to preface with a content warning for mental health

more of a weighty update today, i just want to talk a bit about my health and my general headspace. you don't have to read this if you're not in the mood of seeing someone complain about life, you can just close this status anytime, such and such. i'll probably manage.

overall i'm not feeling great today

today feels like a slow and shitty day for me. just as i got into a different sleep schedule i started having different sleep issues from my usual pallette: i seem to be undersleeping and feeling like shit every time i wake up. i have a piercing headache right now, and it sucks. this kind of state is really terrible for me on all fronts: can't even take care of myself properly, let alone work on the stuff i want to work on. wack as heck.

therapy update

to update on yesterday, things went okay, although it turned out that i need to look for someone else, as the org in question is kind of overstretched right now and there aren't any specialists there who can provide assistance for my particular needs. i was actually suggested a program related to government healthcare, which, well, wasn't something i even thought of, so might as well get to it.

the creative rut

feels like i haven't been doing shit besides working on this site. aside from writing statuses, this might be the case, frankly. i lost the energy i had for working on a youtube channel, and i lost steam on all the post ideas i had, continuing the trend of that page laying dormant and without use. first thing i'm gonna think about once i feel better, aside from life and jobseeking stuff, is how to shake myself up creatively and finally get to work on all the things i planned to do.

fin.

not proud of this writeup, so i think i might even delete it later. my mind puts the feeling i have about this into the category of me once more straying from the initial purpose of statuses, as i ended up pouring much more effort into writing them to the point of feeling like i set myself a baseline for quality that i now have to meet for ppl to like me, which feels extraordinarily weird to my brain also. something something consistency, something something the perceived need to perform social media dance, just some funky shit i can't put into words.

i should probably go eat lol

[14 apr 2024] an impromptu social media detox

fun fact, this is the first status i am writing using vim. less so because i decided to become some kind of a tech nerd, more because i do not have a computer rn. i usually come somewhere where i do all kinds of creative things with a laptop, but sometimes, like today, i came without one bc i decided to do it spontaneously.

what this place does have is a couple of spare keyboards, a freely available monitor, and an android tv box, and what i have on my and is a server to connect to. so i installed termux, connected to my server via ssh, cloned the git repo this site is on, and am writing this status in vim! tech is cool :p

i have a couple of things on my mind today that i would like to air out. still an unapologetically sizeable amount (promise i will use the posts section eventually), it just makes me feel better to talk about it.

time to get right into it.

mental health update 2: therapy collision course

first off, i got therapy session set for tomorrow. just realized i didn't explain why i need to have one in the first place, but basically it amounts to my depression and whatever is causing me to just lay around in bed and sink time into nothing, or procrastinate by doing whatever thing interesting me in the moment and sometimes doing something interesting as a byproduct of it.

primary reason i am seeking it out is my unemployment. finding a job in tech, more specifically breaking into the industry, had been immensely tough for me, both because of my internal pressure not handling well the fact that i need to write a cv, trying to adjust to some nebulous expectations i have no idea how to meet, as well as having the companies i do end up sending cvs to either not responding, or just rejecting my application. i have no idea whether it is because of a shrinking tech industry, or because i'm just not good enough, but either way my brain can't cope with it and as a result i am not able to apply to anything.

ideally, cv-wise, i feel like i'd need someone to help me focus on this, assist me in writing the right things in it, but due to a whole host of other issues i lost courage to write it, and i also lost courage to ask someone.

i also, generally, lost courage to show weakness and, most importantly, be myself. i feel like i've gotten more inert, unwilling to against the currents of life, instead feeling like sinking in them and just moving down the stream. i lost energy.

this spiral began for me a while ago, before i even created this website. i tried to book a therapy session at a charity fund where i am able to receive help for free (naturally, due to not having a job, i can't make money, and we still have to pay rent :/), but it was booked very early, and, due to my sleep schedule being terrible, i could not make it at that time. that made me kind of embarassed and afraid to come again for months, for reasons i did recognize as irrational, but still couldn't overcome.

thankfully, the time i wrote my first update on this issue was the time i finally tried to overcome it, and now that i fixed my sleep schedule, heading into tomorrow, i feel confident that i can make it in time and take a shot at fixing myself once more. wish me luck, i guess.

leaving twitter for now

speaking of mental health, twitter fucking sucks and is conductive to some of my worst impulses, and i felt very overstimulated today but all the shit it threw at me, so i am now taking a forced break from it. fuck this site, and while i'm at it, fuck all the social media platforms that are driven by the algorithm and push algo stuff front and center without consideration for anything. "for you" pages/tabs are transparently evil, and it is so apparent on new twitter how they shape themselves around the hottest drama you interact with it's not even fucking funny. fuck this platform so much, it sucked so much energy out of me it's outrageous. i need to rebound from that shit.

biko update, or following the white rabbit

i do not intend to walk back on my statement that i respect other peoples' right to be forgotten. however, i still really wanted to back up some of biko's writing to study it and draw some wisdom out of it, only to find out that their wayback machine entries were also purged per request, only further confirming the deliberate nature of the site deletion. this caused me to despair even more, for reasons i will probably examine in detail in a proper post i seek to write, which are more philosophical and touch upon the nature and the pressures of upkeeping a website. regardless, after that short despair, i ended up brainstorming alternatives, accidentally stumbled upon some dirty laundry in the process (don't spin up your imagination, it's nothing terrible or even particularly private, but disrespectful nonetheless), and in the process actually ended up accomplishing the goal halfway.

basically, i got exactly what i wanted, but both in the process and as a result of it i did some breach of ethics, and now i feel like an absolute asshole :v

i swear i had good reasons for it, but now it feels super dirty given how i basically sidestepped their clearly deliberate attempts to remove themselves from the internet, and i sort of indirectly publicize that by talking about it as well.

i am still intent on honoring the short impact they had on me, and possibly spreading some of the ideas of theirs that really resonated with me on my own accord. i now realize, however, that i cannot in good consciousness straight up republish the articles i preserved and intend on restoring, which is something i originally wanted to do as part of a reference archive project somewhere in my site backlog. i got way too far with my quest to the point that it would feel like a downright desecration, even if i were to omit other reasons that would be pretty bad to do, ethically and legally speaking.

the takeaway i want others to have from this little story i'm sharing is that preservation can sometimes be at odds with someone's privacy. if you were to do the thing i do, with restoration of something you really like and whatnot, it's really important to consider the ethics of doing it, because no matter how staunch you might feel about leaving the mark, preserving the web and fighting the entropy of link rot, in the end you have to consider the wishes of the people who made the things you want to preserve. for as hard as it is to delete things from the internet, people are right to want to escape from it, erase themselves, be forgotten and left with nothing but their solitude. sometimes that is something they might really need, and the internet makes it incredibly hard not to leave traces and have that wish actually meaningfully respected.

not that i am suggesting not to preserve things, just don't be like me in this situation where i very clearly overstepped and learned something i was not supposed to.

closing thoughts

welp, a bit of a low note to end this on. other than all of what wrote above, seems like today's a good day for me! i decided to get my ereader back up and actually start clearing through the massive backlog of books i have on it. i have not decided what to read yet, but a start is a start.

hope you have a nice day as well~!

[8 apr 2024] the non-comic sans update

wanna keep things short: the nice links have been fixed, and i am on them now. the siteboxes are still not addressed, but at least i know the workaround and the bug has been reported. quite a good site update overall.

i am now considering moving this page to astro, so the experimentation on that front is underway. this promises to be somethins interesting, we'll see how this turns out and how much of "backwards compatibility", if one can call that, this will retain. i def have a strong reason to move to something like that, and that is component reusability, which will come in handy both for automating the existing things and potentially putting them on a CMS, as well as potentially iterating more on the more ambitious things i still have in plan for the site.

can't believe i'm having fun with a javascript framework. hope i won't be stubbing my toe once more here.

[8 apr 2024] nekoweb's new features are currently breaking this site

nekoweb just dropped an update to its site introducing some really neat things, notably for all its users a terminal feature, which looks really cool, although is not very likely to see practical use from me as i already am pretty well-versed with doing things it provides locally, on my machine. we'll see how it ends up working out, but i imagine it's gonna introduce people newer to webdev than me to some really fun stuff.

Screenshot of the terminal on my page

less notably, to accommodate for the power it provides, mainly the toolset to give ppl the ability to build websites in web frameworks of their choice, nekoweb now has the niceties ppl in the outside webdev world are used to, such as setting a custom site root folder (to keep site source in whatever language a given framework uses separated from the actual site, optimizations, transpiling, all that), as well as "nice links", i.e. the webpage links that are routed in the way so they aren't presented with the .html file extension (for example my status archive would show up in the address bar as "sitename/statusarchive" instead of "sitename/statusarchive.html").

some really neat features, right?

Nice links and alternative site root.

well, i'd say that if they did not break a bunch of things on my end.

"nice links" are currently straight up broken, not even rendering the page and just showing its source instead. you can roughly estimate how my webpage looked to a bystander in that moment by right-clicking right on this webpage and pressing "View Page Source". i'd surely call that the holy grail of webpage minimalism, but that is definitely not how i wanted my site to be presented xd.

other issue was with my sitebox, as, due to my website moving shenanigans, i found out about a whole bunch of undocumented behavior of whatever is parsing nekoweb's siteboxes.

so the comments in the default elements.css nekoweb provides tell you that "only nekoweb URLs [are] allowed", and you have to "use full url to your site", as in doing the whole song and dance with "sitename dot nekoweb dot org slash wherever your asset is".

setting the site root elsewhere kind of breaks this workflow, as i found out when the sitebox momentarily looked like this:

Screenshot of the broken sitebox on nekoweb's index page. Notably, mio is present, but not the black background, which was just an image file.

and so i fixed that by moving all my sitebox assets to my site root.

or so i thought, until i looked at the explore page.

Screenshot of the broken sitebox on nekoweb's explore page. This time, neither mio, nor the black background are present.

turns out, specifically on the explore page, nekoweb does funky transformations to the "username.nekoweb.org" link presented in css to instead point it to the filesystem as presented in the user's storage root.

Demonstration of nekoweb's funky link transformation behavior.

it makes sense to do this, especially now that the page can be decoupled from its root folder, but this behavior is currently not consistent between the homepage and the explore section, which caught me off-guard.

this sudden funky behavior caused me to mildly snap as i placed a bunch of workarounds to make the sitebox function in all the cases i uncovered, so now, until this behavior is fixed, my sitebox will be presented in comic sans.

goofy problems prompt the goofy reflections lol

Demonstration of my sitebox using Comic Sans MS instead of default font as before.
[5 apr 2024] comments on the disparate thoughts

making an addendum to yesterday's status. i guess the thoughts are not so disparate now that that they're the subject.

mental health update

i successfully booked the appointment. gonna take a bit, and i will have to wake up early for that, so it's gonna be quite a challenge. i feel less comfortable talking about my mental health today, so all i am going to say is that i have no intent not to follow through with that.

a sudden posting epiphany

my yesterday's tangent on modern web being as long as it was made me ponder quite a bit about the nature of these statuses.

on one hand, i think it fits my intention with the status section quite well: even though it took me 1 hour and 30 minutes to write, i did it in a continuous burst, unfiltered, rapid fire, straight out of my brain. exactly what i wanted the section to facilitate.

on the other hand, that was a lot of text! 7 paragraphs, 492 words, 2874 characters. wow. it's a blog post length. it's as much as what my friends from a small blogger accontability group wrote.

i thought blogging is more of a deliberate thing, and i kind of worked myself up to some kind of a high standard, thinking that i'd need to exert high effort to commit to that. and then i just went and spat out something i am kind of proud of for how little time i spent of it, now considering giving a place in my blog section, touchups included.

it led me to questioning the site structure i planned for myself here, with "high-effort posts" and "low-effort statuses", such and such. i do not have the alternative for that structure just yet.

what i know now, however, is that by telling myself to chill i successfully rewired my brain into producing something i actually like now. wild.

[status archive]

some cool info and stats regarding this page

this page was created on 26 feb 2024. it has been visited a lot of times apparently, and of many people who've seen it there are at least some nekoweb users who appear to be interested in seeing this page more.

serving as a guide back to this homepage in the bottom left corner is miorine rembran from the hit anime series mobile suit gundam the witch from mercury. it is absolutely free on youtube and i wholeheartedly recommend checking it out

cool remi fun facts

remi hasn't listened to anything lately.

web places i find cool

garden of remembrance

[in memory of the perished links and the withered branches of communication]

bikobatanari

link my button

i did not plan to make a button for myself until 1.0 but due to the non-zero demand for it here's a high quality button you can put on your webpage. hotlinking it is fine because i will definitely be replacing it out of sheer embarassment.

remblanc

<a href="https://remblanc.nekoweb.org"><img src="https://remblanc.nekoweb.org/images/button.png" alt="remblanc" title="remblanc's incredible site"></a>

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